OK, this is NOT going to be pretty, so for those of you who think I have it all together or that I am strong and that I run through wildflower fields and dance on rainbows all day, be prepared. I am SO flawed and such a mess! I don't know if anyone else ever feels this way but most of the time it's like I'm floating above myself watching daily acts of stupidity and monotony. Floaty self yelling "MOVE ON , GO, STOP, GET A LIFE!!!" Why don't I listen? How tragic. Like no one else has had their heart broken or felt like their job was going to put them into an insane asylum, or that there friends don't get them. I mean... I understand faith, hope, love, and joy because I know the Lord. I also trust that the Lord has the best possible plan for my life, one that I may not understand or agree with at the moment-but He really knows best . However (the BIG however) it doesn't always make the struggle any more tolerable. Today I feel weak, alone, sad and frustrated with my life. It happens, right?
Just last week I felt wrapped up and loved in the Lords arms and this week I couldn't feel more distant. How does one maintain? Anyone who would like to pray for my sanity it would be much appreciated. I want, once again, to desire and crave God more than anything and to carry peace as Jesus did in the craziness of his life here on earth. I want to be different. Hate sin. live with patience. Exude love.
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3 comments:
"we never feel constant in our perceptions of ourselves, because whether we are good or bad depends on temporal circumstances, performances and feedback."
I know it's lonely out there...do i ever...but it's only because we are all so broken and afraid.
Hold fast my dear, and cling to those moments when you can feel that you are wrapped in God's love.
That's hope. And sometimes it's all we've got.
But THAT...is a heck of ALOT!
I speak peace, joy, love over your heart!
I could not posssibly be more encouraged by this. Not possible. I am living your words out exactly right now - two days ago I felt more encouraged and excited to know Jesus than I ever have and today I really am just dying - I feel like I'm in pieces on the floor, hoping He'll notice I'm so broken and put me back together. Thanks for your vulnerability.
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